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ABBEY
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ruff day or what hahahaha
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NEXT GAME: Sheffield Wednesday FC
Sunday April 21st 2024
Kick off 12.30 pm
Ewood Park
Championship
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ABBEY
Guest
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
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Guest
Heard an amusing story today.
A lady in a shop noticed that one of her customers had left a mobile phone on the counter. She looked through the stored numbers and found "Mum". She rang this and mum replied so she told her that her son had left his mobile in her shop. "Thanks I'll handle it from here" she said. Am minute later the phone rang and a voice said. " Martin you left you phone in the shop".
A lady in a shop noticed that one of her customers had left a mobile phone on the counter. She looked through the stored numbers and found "Mum". She rang this and mum replied so she told her that her son had left his mobile in her shop. "Thanks I'll handle it from here" she said. Am minute later the phone rang and a voice said. " Martin you left you phone in the shop".
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Mike E
Member
The Pope comes to Britain and he's picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?"
The driver is hesistant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that."
The Pope persists, "Please?" The driver finally lets up. "Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the Pope."
So the Pope takes the wheel, and he's a speed freak! He goes 100mph in a 30 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over sharpish.
The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: Chief, I have a problem.
Chief: What sort of problem?
Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.
Chief: Important like the mayor?
Cop: No, no, much more important than that.
Chief: Important like the Prime Minister?
Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that.
Chief: Like the Queen?
Cop: More.
Chief: Who's more important than the bloody Queen?
Cop: I don't know, but his driver is the fucking Pope!
The driver is hesistant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that."
The Pope persists, "Please?" The driver finally lets up. "Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the Pope."
So the Pope takes the wheel, and he's a speed freak! He goes 100mph in a 30 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over sharpish.
The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: Chief, I have a problem.
Chief: What sort of problem?
Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.
Chief: Important like the mayor?
Cop: No, no, much more important than that.
Chief: Important like the Prime Minister?
Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that.
Chief: Like the Queen?
Cop: More.
Chief: Who's more important than the bloody Queen?
Cop: I don't know, but his driver is the fucking Pope!
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negan
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Guest
After a school trip to a farm, the teacher asked the kids "What sounds did we hear on the farm yesterday?"
The children delightfully responded with, "Moo", "Neigh", "Baaa" and "Get off that fucking tractor".
The children delightfully responded with, "Moo", "Neigh", "Baaa" and "Get off that fucking tractor".
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The Bouncer
A guy goes for a job as a bouncer in a brothel; the manager is very impressed and offers him a superb package including company car, free life insurance etc.
The best of the perks is he is promised a free bunk up with the girl of his choice every night.
Needless to say he takes the job. At the end of the first day the manager comes up to him and tells him to take his pick of the girls, the guy picks the blonde in the schoolgirl uniform and off they go to a private room.
Much to his surprise she just gives him a quick one off the wrist and leaves the room.
"That's odd" thinks our hero, "perhaps she's tired today."
At the end of day two he picks a redhead dressed up as a nurse same thing happens, back to the room and a quick one off the wrist.
"Oh well" thinks our none-too-bright hero, "I'm tired myself tonight so I won't worry."
Anyway, this goes on the rest of the week, every night a different girl and every night just a quick one off the wrist.
At the end of the first week the MD asks our man if he has any comments at all, usual stuff, they are pleased with him etc. but does he have anything to say.
Our man may be slow but shyness is not one of his qualities so he tells the MD that all the girls have just given him a quick one off the wrist but he was promised a bunk up every night.
To this the MD replies, "But surely you realize you have to work a week in hand"
A guy goes for a job as a bouncer in a brothel; the manager is very impressed and offers him a superb package including company car, free life insurance etc.
The best of the perks is he is promised a free bunk up with the girl of his choice every night.
Needless to say he takes the job. At the end of the first day the manager comes up to him and tells him to take his pick of the girls, the guy picks the blonde in the schoolgirl uniform and off they go to a private room.
Much to his surprise she just gives him a quick one off the wrist and leaves the room.
"That's odd" thinks our hero, "perhaps she's tired today."
At the end of day two he picks a redhead dressed up as a nurse same thing happens, back to the room and a quick one off the wrist.
"Oh well" thinks our none-too-bright hero, "I'm tired myself tonight so I won't worry."
Anyway, this goes on the rest of the week, every night a different girl and every night just a quick one off the wrist.
At the end of the first week the MD asks our man if he has any comments at all, usual stuff, they are pleased with him etc. but does he have anything to say.
Our man may be slow but shyness is not one of his qualities so he tells the MD that all the girls have just given him a quick one off the wrist but he was promised a bunk up every night.
To this the MD replies, "But surely you realize you have to work a week in hand"
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ABBEY
Guest
A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.
She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthesia shot.
“No way, no needles! I hate needles!” the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, “I can’t do the gas thing.
Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill.
“No,” he says, “I’m fine with pills.
“So the dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them.
“What are those?” he asked.” Viagra,” she replied.
“I’ll be damned,” said the patient, “I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer.”
“It doesn’t,” said the dentist, “But it will give you something to hold on to when I pullyour tooth out"
She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthesia shot.
“No way, no needles! I hate needles!” the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, “I can’t do the gas thing.
Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!
The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill.
“No,” he says, “I’m fine with pills.
“So the dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them.
“What are those?” he asked.” Viagra,” she replied.
“I’ll be damned,” said the patient, “I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer.”
“It doesn’t,” said the dentist, “But it will give you something to hold on to when I pullyour tooth out"