Both lmfao
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NEXT GAME: Sheffield Wednesday FC
Sunday April 21st 2024
Kick off 12.30 pm
Ewood Park
Championship
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ABBEY
Guest
A man and his ever nagging Wife were on holiday in Jerusalem when the Wife died suddenly.
The Undertaker said "It will cost £5,000 to ship her home or £50 to bury her here"
The Husband tells him to ship her home
The Undertaker said "But Sir,why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money?"
The Husband says " Listen here pal,a long time ago a man called Jesus was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead - shes going fucking home!"
The Undertaker said "It will cost £5,000 to ship her home or £50 to bury her here"
The Husband tells him to ship her home
The Undertaker said "But Sir,why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money?"
The Husband says " Listen here pal,a long time ago a man called Jesus was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead - shes going fucking home!"
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ABBEY
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Paddy and Murphy are on holiday and are running out of money when they see a sign that reads "Spend 10 minutes in a room with a million flies and earn £200". So Murphy goes in first and spends 1 minute in the room before running out yelling "Fuck that, I can't breathe, them fuckin flies are in my mouth!" ..."You'll never do it Paddy"...Paddy says"No sweat, Murph, get me in there"..So Paddy goes in and spends the full 10 minutes in the room then comes out...Murphy says"Fuckin hell Paddy!! How the fuck did ya do that?"...Paddy says "Easy Murph, I done a shit in one corner and sat in the other!".
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ABBEY
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A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.'
In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body,”
The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
"These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches' keep us from burning our feet.”
"So tell me then," added the boy.
"Yes, my son."
"Why are we still wearing all this shit, when we live in Blackburn!!
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.'
In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body,”
The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
"These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches' keep us from burning our feet.”
"So tell me then," added the boy.
"Yes, my son."
"Why are we still wearing all this shit, when we live in Blackburn!!
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ABBEY
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My friend apparently just had sex with his girlfriend in an apple orchard
He came in Cider
He came in Cider
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ABBEY
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Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
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ABBEY
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ABBEY
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Old Darwen Blue
Prediction Champion 2021 & 2022
My mind is at a quandary as to what you typed into google to find that?
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Sunday Morning Sex
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
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ABBEY
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Reidy You're A Star
Active Member
Heresy! The only cocks associated with Metallica are the people who think they sold out with the Black Album.
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ABBEY
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A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, some eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon. As she unloads her items at the cash register to pay, she notices a handsome man standing behind her in line just staring at her. As she places the four items on the belt the man keeps staring at her and finally says, "You must be single?" The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and sees nothing unusual about her selection and says blushingly, "That's right, how on earth did you know?" He replies, "Because you're f**king ugly!" lol
A horse is in the corner of a bar having a few beers on his own. The landlord comes over and says 'Whats up with you mate? Why the long face'?
Two horses in a bar having a pint and a chat when a dog comes over to the bar and orders a drink from the barman, pays for it and takes it back to the table. One horse says to the other "Bloody hell.... did you see that? A talking dog!"
Two horses in a bar having a pint and a chat when a dog comes over to the bar and orders a drink from the barman, pays for it and takes it back to the table. One horse says to the other "Bloody hell.... did you see that? A talking dog!"
Just discovered this..... I thought it was something new but it seems the first gender neutral person with confused sexuality was a claret!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Mary_Claret
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Mary_Claret
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ABBEY
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It's been announced that Pfizer are manufacturing Viagra in liquid form and that it's going to be marketed by Jack Daniels.
This means that when you come home from a hard day's work, you can pour yourself a stiff one.
This means that when you come home from a hard day's work, you can pour yourself a stiff one.
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