Barmitzvah Boy
Global winner of the 2021 Christmas Quiz 👊🤩🤩
I come out of retirement to tell you a story.
I was doing my usual detailed research and analysis for the Sheffield Wednesday away preview and came across a most interesting story from the Daily Mirror:
“Sheffield Wednesday fan claims a sex act was performed in stands during clash with Stoke
A Sheffield Wednesday fan has spoken of her horror at witnessing a sex act during the team's match with Stoke last weekend.
The Owls fan took to social media to express her outrage and disgust after turning around to witness a fellow fan perform a sex act on a man in the stands at Hillsborough.
The hosts came from behind to earn a point against the Potters, but the unsavoury scene left Mum of two 'Chezza' shocked and disgusted.
“Still can't get over how I saw a woman masturbating a bloke on Kop today. And I'm not joking," wrote @Chezricho.
“Spoilt rest of the match genuinely didn't know what to do!!! Sat right behind me!!!! Only just hitting me what actually happened!
"They spoke in English but both in foreign accents, so both must have been different nationalities. Jeez some people! It was disgusting in any language!”
As a result grounds around the country are to erect (sorry, could not help myself) the following signage:
I cannot understand why the woman did not record the said event on her mobile moan (sorry I mean phone). Anyhow next time you hear the BBEnd moaning it is not the Rovers players they are decrying but a collective masturbation over Dacks dribble.
Incidentally if any female readers of this column wish to give me a quickie in the stands please send a PM. I will be available v Wigan this evening but please warm your hands with a large sausage roll beforehand.
What about famous fans of Sheffield Wank**s FC. The comedy actor Sean Bean comes to mind, he is so so funny in Johnny English:
The former Labour MP ‘grandee’ David ’Blunkett the Junket’ comes to mind. He has been watching the team since he was a little lad. A quick google search reveals that his net worth is over £1M, yet another champagne socialist:
Another fan is Richard McCourt, one half of children's entertaining duo Dick and Dom, and most recently presented the Saturday morning CBBC show Dick And Dom In Da Bungalow.
However his clean television image has been tarnished on a drunken night out after the star admitted to having taken drugs.
According to The Sun newspaper, McCourt told strangers: "I have taken drugs."
He was last spotted in the Kop at the home game v Stoke with a big smile on his face.
Also coming out of retirement for this preview is our very own Miss roverfans.com Kate Garraway. She has agreed to market and promote our very own range of roversfans.com underwear and cocktail suits:
As for the game goodness only knows. Rovers will play with 10 players out of position, Mowbray will blame our performance on groaning in the stands, humping up the long ball, and Viagra in the 1/2 time pot of tea.
4-3 with all the home goals in the last 10 minutes.
I am going to sit in the Kop btw
I was doing my usual detailed research and analysis for the Sheffield Wednesday away preview and came across a most interesting story from the Daily Mirror:
“Sheffield Wednesday fan claims a sex act was performed in stands during clash with Stoke
A Sheffield Wednesday fan has spoken of her horror at witnessing a sex act during the team's match with Stoke last weekend.
The Owls fan took to social media to express her outrage and disgust after turning around to witness a fellow fan perform a sex act on a man in the stands at Hillsborough.
The hosts came from behind to earn a point against the Potters, but the unsavoury scene left Mum of two 'Chezza' shocked and disgusted.
“Still can't get over how I saw a woman masturbating a bloke on Kop today. And I'm not joking," wrote @Chezricho.
“Spoilt rest of the match genuinely didn't know what to do!!! Sat right behind me!!!! Only just hitting me what actually happened!
"They spoke in English but both in foreign accents, so both must have been different nationalities. Jeez some people! It was disgusting in any language!”
As a result grounds around the country are to erect (sorry, could not help myself) the following signage:
I cannot understand why the woman did not record the said event on her mobile moan (sorry I mean phone). Anyhow next time you hear the BBEnd moaning it is not the Rovers players they are decrying but a collective masturbation over Dacks dribble.
Incidentally if any female readers of this column wish to give me a quickie in the stands please send a PM. I will be available v Wigan this evening but please warm your hands with a large sausage roll beforehand.
What about famous fans of Sheffield Wank**s FC. The comedy actor Sean Bean comes to mind, he is so so funny in Johnny English:
The former Labour MP ‘grandee’ David ’Blunkett the Junket’ comes to mind. He has been watching the team since he was a little lad. A quick google search reveals that his net worth is over £1M, yet another champagne socialist:
Another fan is Richard McCourt, one half of children's entertaining duo Dick and Dom, and most recently presented the Saturday morning CBBC show Dick And Dom In Da Bungalow.
However his clean television image has been tarnished on a drunken night out after the star admitted to having taken drugs.
According to The Sun newspaper, McCourt told strangers: "I have taken drugs."
He was last spotted in the Kop at the home game v Stoke with a big smile on his face.
Also coming out of retirement for this preview is our very own Miss roverfans.com Kate Garraway. She has agreed to market and promote our very own range of roversfans.com underwear and cocktail suits:
As for the game goodness only knows. Rovers will play with 10 players out of position, Mowbray will blame our performance on groaning in the stands, humping up the long ball, and Viagra in the 1/2 time pot of tea.
4-3 with all the home goals in the last 10 minutes.
I am going to sit in the Kop btw
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Can’t offer you beer with twigs in like Kelham, we have Carliing and Worthies