Barmitzvah Boy
Global winner of the 2021 Christmas Quiz 👊🤩🤩
Well well well. My my my. Tweedle dum tweedle dee. What do I do about writing a preview for this match not at all very exciting match?
How about writing some twaddle for a change!! It will be on par with our recent performances. As I write this missive I am approaching another year older and I am feeling mightily p!ssed off.
The last year has been a write off:
- what does the inside of a pub look like?
- what is an aeroplane?
- will I ever need a Passport again?
- will I ever drive more than 20 miles per week?
- is Boris on drugs?
- how much does Boris pay his barber?
- will Rovers ever excite me again?
- is Sam Gallagher a footballer?
- is Ben Brereton really a mountain goat?
- does Dack’s girlfriend have rubber lips?
- is Tony Mowbray a football Manager?
Answers on a postcard to the above please. They are all questions that I struggle with every night as I toss and turn thinking of these big issues that face society.
I will now turn to the issue of Rovers visit to Nottingham on Saturday. I used to enjoy the trips to the City Ground, indeed I was only talking with Phil Jones a couple of weeks back telling him I was at his first team debut in a League Cup game (we won 1-0, yes miracles do happen!!) when he was alongside Samba who spent the whole game coaching him. He smiled and said he remembered it well. I asked Phil if he had thought about returning to Rovers and he cracked an incredulous smile on the basis of ‘are you joking’, he then responded to say sorry but “why would I do that”. I guess he was being kind by not adding “the Club is a basket case”.
So to the game itself.....
At present watching a Rovers game is like watching a Manager and players who are like rabbits in the headlights. They freeze, and the opposition just run them down.
As for Tony Mowbray if I were to continue with the rabbit analogy this is what he looks like on the touch line, or should I say sat in his seat looking on with astonishment:
At the start of the season we were rampant. First time incisive passes, overlapping wing backs, a confident Adam Armstrong, and a midfield who would dominate, press and act as the engine room of our team. Now it looks as is the stuffing has been kicked out of the team. They are tired, devoid of ideas and lacking a Sergeant Major who will lead and direct. Even our goalkeeper Kaminsky looks like he has taken on the mantle of ‘flapper hands’.
I was talking to our very own superfan Blue Kate about recent games and she was well into the rabbit analogy. She was a big fan of both rampant Rovers as well as rampant rabbits.
KATES SHOP BOUGHT RABBIT:
KATES ‘VEGAN VERSION’ RABBIT (carefully take note of the griping action):
ONE SHE WAS MAKING EARLIER (I cut my image out
):
I understand that Tony has brought in some new training techniques at Brockholes (to be renamed Rabbitholes) Training Centre. Stretches are key and the coaching staff are focused on how we can better penetrate rather than skipping around playing with the ball. Here are two images that I managed to sneak off with from the Rovers February 2021 Manual:
STRETCHING (as illustrated by Sam Gallagher):
PENETRATING THE OPPOSITION (illustrated by Flopsy Ben and Topsy Tony):
Some other images of Rovers players have recently appeared on the ‘Dark Web’. These include one of our £12m superstar signings Ben and Sam. They better beware as they could soon be gobbled up by our feisty very own ‘Rampant Kate’. This is one of the images from the web:
I would go as far as to suggest our season is over apart from trying to ensure we do not free-fall into the relegation places, this in my opinion is a real danger given the lack of motivation and togetherness in our squad. This is not just about results, it is also about maintaining our present fan base and also building our future fan base. Given the lack of balls in our recent performances, and some dreadful football I really do worry about the future. The only things keeping us going are the Venkys from a financial point of view, and blind hope from a fans point of view....either one or both of those will crack. Incidentally it is a fallacy that eating carrots will give help you deal with blind hope.
A CARROT I FOUND EARLIER - PLEASE NAME WHICH ROVERS PLAYER IT IS MODELLED ON*
I have yet to decide whether to fork out £10 to watch this mush on Saturday. I may have something better to do like washing the car, buying new batteries for the rabbit or licking out the septic tank. If I do watch this will probably be my reaction:
As for the score I will predict we will end up in the stew pot with a 3-0 defeat. I spoke with Kate and she was having a right good moan, indeed she did not stop for at least 5 minutes. She then whispered a few sweet nothings. She “loves her rabbit” and she “loves her Rovers” but sadly does not think Tony’s penetration techniques will result in us scoring; she predicts 2-0 to Snottingham.
* Answer - all of them, non of our players have balls
How about writing some twaddle for a change!! It will be on par with our recent performances. As I write this missive I am approaching another year older and I am feeling mightily p!ssed off.
The last year has been a write off:
- what does the inside of a pub look like?
- what is an aeroplane?
- will I ever need a Passport again?
- will I ever drive more than 20 miles per week?
- is Boris on drugs?
- how much does Boris pay his barber?
- will Rovers ever excite me again?
- is Sam Gallagher a footballer?
- is Ben Brereton really a mountain goat?
- does Dack’s girlfriend have rubber lips?
- is Tony Mowbray a football Manager?
Answers on a postcard to the above please. They are all questions that I struggle with every night as I toss and turn thinking of these big issues that face society.
I will now turn to the issue of Rovers visit to Nottingham on Saturday. I used to enjoy the trips to the City Ground, indeed I was only talking with Phil Jones a couple of weeks back telling him I was at his first team debut in a League Cup game (we won 1-0, yes miracles do happen!!) when he was alongside Samba who spent the whole game coaching him. He smiled and said he remembered it well. I asked Phil if he had thought about returning to Rovers and he cracked an incredulous smile on the basis of ‘are you joking’, he then responded to say sorry but “why would I do that”. I guess he was being kind by not adding “the Club is a basket case”.
So to the game itself.....
At present watching a Rovers game is like watching a Manager and players who are like rabbits in the headlights. They freeze, and the opposition just run them down.
As for Tony Mowbray if I were to continue with the rabbit analogy this is what he looks like on the touch line, or should I say sat in his seat looking on with astonishment:
At the start of the season we were rampant. First time incisive passes, overlapping wing backs, a confident Adam Armstrong, and a midfield who would dominate, press and act as the engine room of our team. Now it looks as is the stuffing has been kicked out of the team. They are tired, devoid of ideas and lacking a Sergeant Major who will lead and direct. Even our goalkeeper Kaminsky looks like he has taken on the mantle of ‘flapper hands’.
I was talking to our very own superfan Blue Kate about recent games and she was well into the rabbit analogy. She was a big fan of both rampant Rovers as well as rampant rabbits.
KATES SHOP BOUGHT RABBIT:
KATES ‘VEGAN VERSION’ RABBIT (carefully take note of the griping action):
ONE SHE WAS MAKING EARLIER (I cut my image out
):I understand that Tony has brought in some new training techniques at Brockholes (to be renamed Rabbitholes) Training Centre. Stretches are key and the coaching staff are focused on how we can better penetrate rather than skipping around playing with the ball. Here are two images that I managed to sneak off with from the Rovers February 2021 Manual:
STRETCHING (as illustrated by Sam Gallagher):
PENETRATING THE OPPOSITION (illustrated by Flopsy Ben and Topsy Tony):
Some other images of Rovers players have recently appeared on the ‘Dark Web’. These include one of our £12m superstar signings Ben and Sam. They better beware as they could soon be gobbled up by our feisty very own ‘Rampant Kate’. This is one of the images from the web:
I would go as far as to suggest our season is over apart from trying to ensure we do not free-fall into the relegation places, this in my opinion is a real danger given the lack of motivation and togetherness in our squad. This is not just about results, it is also about maintaining our present fan base and also building our future fan base. Given the lack of balls in our recent performances, and some dreadful football I really do worry about the future. The only things keeping us going are the Venkys from a financial point of view, and blind hope from a fans point of view....either one or both of those will crack. Incidentally it is a fallacy that eating carrots will give help you deal with blind hope.
A CARROT I FOUND EARLIER - PLEASE NAME WHICH ROVERS PLAYER IT IS MODELLED ON*
I have yet to decide whether to fork out £10 to watch this mush on Saturday. I may have something better to do like washing the car, buying new batteries for the rabbit or licking out the septic tank. If I do watch this will probably be my reaction:
As for the score I will predict we will end up in the stew pot with a 3-0 defeat. I spoke with Kate and she was having a right good moan, indeed she did not stop for at least 5 minutes. She then whispered a few sweet nothings. She “loves her rabbit” and she “loves her Rovers” but sadly does not think Tony’s penetration techniques will result in us scoring; she predicts 2-0 to Snottingham.
* Answer - all of them, non of our players have balls
but not when it is my boys in blue
