Barmitzvah Boy
Global winner of the 2021 Christmas Quiz 👊🤩🤩
Firstly the most famous thing about Portsmouth is their most photographed fan: John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood. Some ‘facts’ about the lunatic / moron Mr Westwood are (my favourite are numbers 10 and 11):
1. His full name is John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood – he added the Portsmouth FC back in 1994 by deed poll.
2. John is a 47-year-old divorced father-of-two, and was chosen to be one of the featured people in the BBC’s “One Nation” series.
3. John has a ridiculous sixty Portsmouth tattoos on his body, the club crest shaved on to his head and ‘PFC’ engraved on his teeth.
4. John has travelled to every Portsmouth home and away game in the last twenty-four years.
5. Poor old John wasn’t allowed to bring his bell into the FA Cup Final this year due to strict Wembley guidelines.
6. He has his own appreciation group on facebook. However with only ninety-eight members, perhaps he isn’t as popular as one would imagine.
7. John now runs his father’s bookshop in Petersfield, Hampshire, which specialises in selling antiquarian and second-hand books.
8. John’s father, Frank, employed a female assistant at his book shop – famous rugby streaker, Erica Roe.
9. His brother is the Queen’s paper conservator at Windsor Castle.
10. Some fans affectionately call him ‘that cunt with the bell’.
11. The closest Rovers have to Mr Westwood is an orange lunatic going by the name of Abbey.
The most common song at Pumpey FC is something called “Play Up Pompey” - sounding more like “We hate Swampey”. The song is based on the environmentalist Swampey who was well known for digging tunnels under their Fatwah Park ground in order to stop the destruction of a rare Hampshire mole.
I cannot make this game as I need a follow eye operation. Rovers have an allocation of 980 tickets and sales as of today, one week before the game, are 700. Hopefully we will sell out boosted by sales with Rovers fans in London given the time and cost of travelling to the South Coast on a Tuesday.
I have been looking for celebrity Portsmouth fans and the wonderweb keeps coming up with Mr Wetwood. The best I can come up with is the well loved Shadow Home Secretary Diane Abbott. She has been sent complimentary tickets for a couple of games this season. She missed the first game as she got the month wrong. For the second game she refused to turn up at PLO (as she likes to affectionately call Portsmouth) as the imperialist scum owners refused her demands that the squad should be 50% female, have a disabled captain and all beers, pies, couscous and pasta dishes have been certified by Jezza Corbyn as ‘Fairtrade’ and have been passed by a Mullah.
As for the score it depends on whether our team turns up or not. I will go for a rare 0-0 draw (when did we last have one of those)?
Last edited: