Jokes, Memes ,Cartoons & Funny Sh*t (NSFW)

[OnlyOneTugay]

That’s great advice Drog , thanks . In fact I did just that a couple of weeks before lockdown and lost balls / balls in the rough went down considerably. I’ve not got a handicap yet , so I can try anything to improve my game . Just hope after the break I can still hit the irons straight !

I decided to stop using the woods until I had a lesson with the professional to sort out my slice , but then lockdown happened .

You’re right , the first hole is difficult and I always have problems with hole 5 , the one where you have to climb the slope to get to the green .

 

[Drog]

4's tough as well. Bragging slightly here but my only ever Eagle came on the sixth when I holed my second shot! A 4 iron and as such a complete fluke.

 

[davebirch]

A startling extract from Hillary Clinton’s autobiography, to be released soon…...
“Some years ago, nearing dinner time at the White House, our regular cook fell ill and they had to get a replacement on short notice. He wasn’t the smartest looking guy, in fact he seemed a bit dirty; deplorable in fact. Bill voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice. Just before the meal, Bill noticed the cook poking his finger-tip in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff: but he was assured that it was customary for many Chefs to do that.
Dinner went okay, although Bill thought that the soup tasted a little strange. By the time dessert arrived he began to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself. By now, he was seriously ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn’t remember which door led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door ajar.
As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky’s office…with his trousers around his knees. As he was about to pass out, this naive girl, anxious to help the President, bent over him and heard Bill whisper in a barely audible voice: “Sack my cook”.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.”

 

[Drog]

I prefer this version dave.................

lou bega mambo no 5 lyrics bill clinton - Search Videos

www.bing.com

 

[davebirch]

Yours, drog, was the American version,
where they cannot focus on the written word for more that five seconds. Vulgar and crass.
Mine was of the more educated version, appreciation of the written word, to get you in and to understand it's true meaning.

 

[Old Darwen Blue]

I was watching a programme the other day when a character made reference to something being “cleaner than the Clintons hard drive.”

 

[davebirch]

View attachment VID-20200422-WA0003(1).mp4

 

[Barmitzvah Boy]

I am nipping into the Mark’s & Spencer food store at Chorley Flat Iron later.

I have just crossed vine tomatoes off my shopping list

 

[davebirch]

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a
hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, I don't
have time for the gums to get numb.
I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00am tee time at
the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already...I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!
The dentist thought to himself, "Well, well, at last a golfer with real balls!!"
So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, honey, and show the dentist.

 

[Drog]

. Have to say I saw that coming after the first sentence dave.

 

[davebirch]

That's because golfers are soooo predictable, drog

 

[davebirch]

View attachment Parking.mp4

 

[Drog]

 

[davebirch]

http://www.youtube.com/embed/3e0yZCLjwfU?rel

Rare ming Vase goes to auction

 

[Drog]

Predictable dave, but still funny. I could think of a number of ads that that would suit........ Specsavers and Churchill for starters.

 

[davebirch]

Lapses in judgement x 3

 

[Drog]

Hilarious stuff! Always funny to laugh at other people's misfortunes but on another day two of those could have ended tragically. The 3rd might too once the nasties in that filthy black water that came out of the sprinkler at first have done their worst.

 

[Drog]

Preview attachment VIDEO-2020-12-14-13-40-43.mp4 VIDEO-2020-12-14-13-40-43.mp4 2.1 MB (google.com)

 

[Old Darwen Blue]

I think that needs editing to view pal.

 

[Drog]

No idea how to do that ODB, it works for me.