Barmitzvah Boy
Global winner of the 2021 Christmas Quiz 👊🤩🤩
Where do I start? Just where do I start? After yet another lacklustre display I am struggling to put a sentence together to produce this match preview. I have spent a lifetime writing novels, fiction and as a lead actor in porn movies and have never been failed to excel with my performances, yet following Rovers is akin to writers cramp or a failing libido. I need reinvigorating, and a quick pick-me-up.
After a quick 1/2 hour ‘discussion’ with Carol I know feel a combination of both invigoration and relief. She has given me a right good good talking to and has promised to accompany me to The Riverside (the Boro Stadium not the back of the Riverside stand at Ewood) so we can liaise and reminisce after the game sharing stories of our teenage years which in my case is the mid 1990’s.
Carol Is My Rock And My Support During These Difficult Times
1SimonGarner referred to Rovers fans resembling flesh eating zombies in a comment elsewhere; I really do think that is unkind to flesh eating zombies. Some of us spend our well earned money travelling the length and breath of this green and pleasant land following our boys on tour to exciting towns and cities like Luton, ‘Bonny’ Blackpool and Middlesbrough by-the-sea. The eagled eyed amongst you may even believe I have spelled (’spelt’ in Blackburn) Mydilsburgh incorrectly in the title of this thread; “nay” I respond, it is only me showing my expert knowledge of English history as that was the original Anglo Saxon spelling (spelting in Blackburn) from 400-1000 AD. You are so lucky to have me doing these previews given my travels, historical knowledge, grasp of the English language and my expertise in all things to do with love and erotica.
For example do you know that the term Smoggies, often used to describe the fair folk of Middlesbrough derives from the Swedish breakfast platter the Smorgsboard? Viking longboats used to travel daily (05:30 departure from dock 2, daily apart from market day on a Tuesday) between Middlesbrough and Oslo and the wonderful Smorgsboard platter was adopted by the Boro locals. Over time the Middlesbrough version was adapted to the local taste and availability of raw ingredients. You can always spot who has been chomping the Smorgsboard.
Swedish Smorgsboard
Middlesborough Smoggyboard
Swedish Smorgsboard Eater
Middlesborough Smoggyboard Muncher
Middlesborough is not a place to linger around after dark. They have a couple of well known crews locally known as ‘The Balti Boys’ and their arch rivals from across the Tees in Billingham ‘The Kerb Crawlers’.
Dilan M From ‘The Balti Boys’
Ulrich From ‘The Kerb Crawlers’ *
I hear that Bradley Dack is very upset at his lack of minutes these days. He is also worried about his lack of playing time at Rovers regardless of his lack of action with Olivia. One of the Lancashire paparazzi caught and image of him at the Senior Training Centre at Brockhall left cast aside by Head Coach Junker Dunker Thomasssson.
Bradley Needs A Game
Junker DT was not impressed and has decided to leave Bradley out in the cold until he puts in a transfer request to hopefully join Uncle Tony in Janary.
Junker DT Tells Bradley To F**k Off Back to Uncle Tony
So what of the game on Saturday? Personally I believe is an ideal opportunity for Boro to get back to winning ways. I have heard that JDT is getting Rovers in for extra training and has told them their next project is passing the ball. He also had a session on dribbling; the following is the video used to show Thrhys Dolan what is expected of him in the opposition box.
Training For Thrhys
I predict a narrow 3-0 victory for. Middlesborough. Please don’t book the Travelodge room next the the one on the M1 which Carol and I will be stopping in. We may be up reading aloud until very late in the night.
*Ulich is a close friend of Tony Mowbray.
After a quick 1/2 hour ‘discussion’ with Carol I know feel a combination of both invigoration and relief. She has given me a right good good talking to and has promised to accompany me to The Riverside (the Boro Stadium not the back of the Riverside stand at Ewood) so we can liaise and reminisce after the game sharing stories of our teenage years which in my case is the mid 1990’s.
Carol Is My Rock And My Support During These Difficult Times
1SimonGarner referred to Rovers fans resembling flesh eating zombies in a comment elsewhere; I really do think that is unkind to flesh eating zombies. Some of us spend our well earned money travelling the length and breath of this green and pleasant land following our boys on tour to exciting towns and cities like Luton, ‘Bonny’ Blackpool and Middlesbrough by-the-sea. The eagled eyed amongst you may even believe I have spelled (’spelt’ in Blackburn) Mydilsburgh incorrectly in the title of this thread; “nay” I respond, it is only me showing my expert knowledge of English history as that was the original Anglo Saxon spelling (spelting in Blackburn) from 400-1000 AD. You are so lucky to have me doing these previews given my travels, historical knowledge, grasp of the English language and my expertise in all things to do with love and erotica.
For example do you know that the term Smoggies, often used to describe the fair folk of Middlesbrough derives from the Swedish breakfast platter the Smorgsboard? Viking longboats used to travel daily (05:30 departure from dock 2, daily apart from market day on a Tuesday) between Middlesbrough and Oslo and the wonderful Smorgsboard platter was adopted by the Boro locals. Over time the Middlesbrough version was adapted to the local taste and availability of raw ingredients. You can always spot who has been chomping the Smorgsboard.
Swedish Smorgsboard
Middlesborough Smoggyboard
Swedish Smorgsboard Eater
Middlesborough Smoggyboard Muncher
Middlesborough is not a place to linger around after dark. They have a couple of well known crews locally known as ‘The Balti Boys’ and their arch rivals from across the Tees in Billingham ‘The Kerb Crawlers’.
Dilan M From ‘The Balti Boys’
Ulrich From ‘The Kerb Crawlers’ *
I hear that Bradley Dack is very upset at his lack of minutes these days. He is also worried about his lack of playing time at Rovers regardless of his lack of action with Olivia. One of the Lancashire paparazzi caught and image of him at the Senior Training Centre at Brockhall left cast aside by Head Coach Junker Dunker Thomasssson.
Bradley Needs A Game
Junker DT was not impressed and has decided to leave Bradley out in the cold until he puts in a transfer request to hopefully join Uncle Tony in Janary.
Junker DT Tells Bradley To F**k Off Back to Uncle Tony
So what of the game on Saturday? Personally I believe is an ideal opportunity for Boro to get back to winning ways. I have heard that JDT is getting Rovers in for extra training and has told them their next project is passing the ball. He also had a session on dribbling; the following is the video used to show Thrhys Dolan what is expected of him in the opposition box.
Training For Thrhys
I predict a narrow 3-0 victory for. Middlesborough. Please don’t book the Travelodge room next the the one on the M1 which Carol and I will be stopping in. We may be up reading aloud until very late in the night.
*Ulich is a close friend of Tony Mowbray.
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