Barmitzvah Boy
Global winner of the 2021 Christmas Quiz 👊🤩🤩
The first away preview of 2022/23 is underway and I must advise my many readers that this season the previews are going to be serious 
Saturday was a revelation. I was in Corporate and it was a joy to be stopped by so many Rovers grandees asking, nay begging, for the previews to be repeated. Steve Waggott told me quietly that his highlights of the season include reading this column - indeed he suggested that I author the new Rovers magazine to be called “Rovers Revealed”. JDT sought me out and said that the main reason for signing was nothing to do with the challenge or the salary, nor anything to do with the fair and willing maidens of Blackburn; no, he wanted to get closer to the famous BB. What joy.
I did manage a good chat with JDT and we spoke formations. He went on about 442 and 433 whilst I spoke of the need for a new style goal scoring technique to get the fans well and truly slathering. This is what we came up with (apparently BBD is up for this before he trots off in the sunset to the Spanish enclave of Wolverhamptonia):
BEN IS ON FIRE!!
JDT also informs me that in pre-season training they have focussing on Gally’s shooting. He is getting better and has managed row 15 rather than row 33. Apparently we are going to ship him off on loan to Berwick Rangers to sharpen up his act.
GALLAGHER HAS BEEN PRACTISING AGAIN
Swansea is an interesting place. So interesting that I recommend avoidance tactics if at all possible. Its claims to fame are few and far between:
1. It was once the largest coal exporting port in South Wales
2. The locals suffer flatulance on a level unknown in the Western Hemisphere.
3. The flatulance was once harnessed to power hot air balloons.
4. The cause is the local Lamb & Leek Pasty known as ‘Oggi Oggi Oggi - Pump Pump Pump’
THE CHIEF CULPRIT OF LOCAL WIND PRODUCTION
A WELSH PASTY (beware, Lancastrians should take their own Leavers pies to South Wales):
Swansea City does have a few famous footballing sons (the Moderators of this site, who have an eye to the woke culture, suggested I use ‘sons, daughters and its’ rather than ‘sons’) with the most famous of all being Ivor Allchurch. Ivor is still revered in Swansea and no doubt senior members such as Drog and Al will remember many of his games.
Times have moved on since Uncle Ivor and we have our own stars of the future. Only yesterday we signed Tyler Morton on a season long loan from LFC. The deal should have been secured last week but young Tyler needed a new ankle tag fitted before he was allowed out of Liverpool. He comes well recommended and is an expert in the old Liverpool penalty box technique; he is pictured below training at Speke baths for the new season.
TYLER IS TRIPPED AGAIN
Our very own Rovers superfan Carol Vorderman is a wee bit compromised given that as well as being a fanatic of the boys in blue and white she is also Welsh (I apologise for this revelation). She may be spotted on Saturday flaunting her welshness as well as cheering on the Rovers. A. Further revelation for you is that Carol is a bit of a footballer herself. Her expertise is in controlling the high ball on her chest before wacking it in the box 🫣
OUR CAROL PREPARING FOR A NEW SEASON IN THE LANCASHIRE RAIN
I do worry about Carol and I will be suggesting that rather than exercise alone naked on her treadmill she haves me on hand to deal with any little mishaps and to apply ointment on her burn marks. She is a very silly girl.
www.express.co.uk
As for the scores on the doors Carol had a total of 30 burn marks. Rovers meanwhile will win the game 2-0 with two penalties after new boy Tyler Morton is cynically brought down.
BB xx
Saturday was a revelation. I was in Corporate and it was a joy to be stopped by so many Rovers grandees asking, nay begging, for the previews to be repeated. Steve Waggott told me quietly that his highlights of the season include reading this column - indeed he suggested that I author the new Rovers magazine to be called “Rovers Revealed”. JDT sought me out and said that the main reason for signing was nothing to do with the challenge or the salary, nor anything to do with the fair and willing maidens of Blackburn; no, he wanted to get closer to the famous BB. What joy.
I did manage a good chat with JDT and we spoke formations. He went on about 442 and 433 whilst I spoke of the need for a new style goal scoring technique to get the fans well and truly slathering. This is what we came up with (apparently BBD is up for this before he trots off in the sunset to the Spanish enclave of Wolverhamptonia):
BEN IS ON FIRE!!
JDT also informs me that in pre-season training they have focussing on Gally’s shooting. He is getting better and has managed row 15 rather than row 33. Apparently we are going to ship him off on loan to Berwick Rangers to sharpen up his act.
GALLAGHER HAS BEEN PRACTISING AGAIN
Swansea is an interesting place. So interesting that I recommend avoidance tactics if at all possible. Its claims to fame are few and far between:
1. It was once the largest coal exporting port in South Wales
2. The locals suffer flatulance on a level unknown in the Western Hemisphere.
3. The flatulance was once harnessed to power hot air balloons.
4. The cause is the local Lamb & Leek Pasty known as ‘Oggi Oggi Oggi - Pump Pump Pump’
THE CHIEF CULPRIT OF LOCAL WIND PRODUCTION
A WELSH PASTY (beware, Lancastrians should take their own Leavers pies to South Wales):
Swansea City does have a few famous footballing sons (the Moderators of this site, who have an eye to the woke culture, suggested I use ‘sons, daughters and its’ rather than ‘sons’) with the most famous of all being Ivor Allchurch. Ivor is still revered in Swansea and no doubt senior members such as Drog and Al will remember many of his games.
Times have moved on since Uncle Ivor and we have our own stars of the future. Only yesterday we signed Tyler Morton on a season long loan from LFC. The deal should have been secured last week but young Tyler needed a new ankle tag fitted before he was allowed out of Liverpool. He comes well recommended and is an expert in the old Liverpool penalty box technique; he is pictured below training at Speke baths for the new season.
TYLER IS TRIPPED AGAIN
Our very own Rovers superfan Carol Vorderman is a wee bit compromised given that as well as being a fanatic of the boys in blue and white she is also Welsh (I apologise for this revelation). She may be spotted on Saturday flaunting her welshness as well as cheering on the Rovers. A. Further revelation for you is that Carol is a bit of a footballer herself. Her expertise is in controlling the high ball on her chest before wacking it in the box 🫣
OUR CAROL PREPARING FOR A NEW SEASON IN THE LANCASHIRE RAIN
I do worry about Carol and I will be suggesting that rather than exercise alone naked on her treadmill she haves me on hand to deal with any little mishaps and to apply ointment on her burn marks. She is a very silly girl.
Ouch! Carol Vorderman's NAKED treadmill session leaves her 'covered in
CAROL VORDERMAN has opened up about her most recent sports injury, which surprisingly happened while she was working out in the buff.
As for the scores on the doors Carol had a total of 30 burn marks. Rovers meanwhile will win the game 2-0 with two penalties after new boy Tyler Morton is cynically brought down.
BB xx
