As if the public don't hate the BBC enough already! Gary Linekar given a 10 min spot on BBC Breakfast news this morning to promote his book.
I can imagine recent conversations behind that appearance.
BBC Bod ... "Gary you've no doubt read the press and you must realise that the general public are getting restless re: the increase in TV Licence fees for old gits. We really are going to have to reduce that 1.7m pa salary of yours. If we don't then you'll soon be earning as much as that tub of lard Gordon Taylor".
Gary... "Get away! Really? Don't they realise that I used to be the record holder for England goal scoring? Don't they realise that I played for Spurs? Don't they realise how much two divorces cost ffs? Have they forgotten that I've already taken a cut of 500k just a few years ago? Pretty soon I'll only have the couple of mill a year from my 'foreigners' to live on, I've had a word with BT Sport and Walker's already and they say they won't give me any more."
BBC Bod.."Sorry Gary, I have my orders and let's be honest there's any amount of ex strikers knocking about who could do your job. Big Al's a legend in the game and knows much more than you about football whilst Wrighty's much funnier."
Silent sulk.........
Gary's Agent.... "Wait I've got a solution..... Lets have plenty of prime time on the BBC to promote his new book!"
BBC Bod... "Done! I'll shake on that"
Gary... "Eh? ... I'm not even writing a book! Never have tbh, I always got someone else to make all that stuff up "
Gary's Agent... " You are writing one now son..... you are now".
Gary..."But I've nothing interesting to write about. Everybody knows that I was boring, and there's only so many times I can tell people that I never had a yellow card and that my Big toenail once dropped off. "
Gary's Agent.." Can't be worse than Shrek's ffs! That only sold 6000 copies and he played for the plastics remember!" Stevie G's was godawful too and as for Golden balls Becks effort that was really
".
